Well, last night I thought I'd try out this gory 1982 slasher starring Christopher George (The Exterminator, City of the Living Dead) and directed by Juan Piquer Simon (Slugs!). It starts off with a boy putting together a jigsaw puzzle of a naked woman, only to be caught in the act by his mum. Cue histrionics from mum, followed by boy sticking a (decidely rubbery-looking) axe in her head! Oh yes!
Cut to 40 years later, and some fedora wearing psycho with a yellow chainsaw is offing students at some high school or other. It's up to Christopher George (City of the Living Dead) as Det Lt Bracken, the college 'stud' Kendall and undercover cop and tennis pro (!!) Mary Riggs to save the day.
Unbelievably bad, "Pieces" is, nevertheless, entertaining because it's so funny. The acting is lousy, the gore effects ropey, and the dialogue shifts from being awful to just plain bizarre:
Dean Fowler: Oh yes, about Professor Brown. he's a. homosexual. But, as long as he doesn't break the rules, that's his affair. I believe he's more upset about his affliction than I am.
Sergeant Holden [On the phone with the Records Department]: Thanks for the help. I'll send you a case of lollypops.
Lieutenant Bracken [Pointing to dismembered corpse]: Professor Brown, I don't want to wait for the coroner. In your opinion, could this have been done with a chainsaw? [Points to bloody chainsaw next to the victim]: Like that one?
- All the ones featuring Willard, the lumbering grounds keeper.
- When the kung-fu guy appears out of nowhere, attacks Riggs, then apologies and blames it on bad chop-suey.
- "Bastard! Bastard! BASTARD!!!"
- The completely nonsensical, but strangely endearing ending.
So there you go: quirkiness, gore, nudity and unintentional laughs makes "Pieces" a bona fide trash classic!
(5 stars when drunk)
(1 star sober)